The Life – Mr. Hko – Page 6

IMPROVED INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

Effective Dating and Cohabitation Tips

Do people normally get tired of you and even wish they never met you?
Sometimes our demeanour and self disposition may turn potential “dates” and friends away from us making us lonely all the time. These are Some unwritten rules of everyday life (Dating and other Interpersonal Relationships)

Always be on time to appointments.
-Do not promise anything to impress and create an excuse.
Endeavor not to be apologetic (always apologising) all the time. Learn to do the right thing at all times to prevent “I’m sorry” in your life.
Never look at dates (female) on the forehead, on the breast or away. Always look at people in the eyes during conversations. This shows sincerity and trust.
Never call anyone more than two times. Wait until some time then you call again.
-Never discuss childbirth or your children with those around who have none.
-Learn to speak in a soft tone at all times. If you naturally have a thick (deep) voice, make conscious efforts to talk gently and mildly.
-Do not answer all questions at all times. Sometimes keep silent.
Don’t be the hub of all knowledge. When in the midst of potential friends or dates, play innocence or ignorance sometimes.
-Never put the milk back in the fridge with just one drop left.
-When you’re going to someone’s house for dinner or a party show up a few minutes late.
-Never ask someone if they’re pregnant.
-No talking at the urinal.
-If someone holds the door open for you, don’t leave them hanging there if there are more people coming.
-If an awkward silence happens, don’t point it out.
-Replace the toilet paper when it runs out.
-If someone shows you a picture on their phone, don’t swipe.
-Don’t make small talk in the lift.
-There’s no need to be rude to waiters.
-Hand people money, don’t put it down on the counter.
-If you’re sharing a hotel room, it’s common decency not to stink up the bathroom.
-If you’re going to complain on social media, be specific.
-When someone else is eating something, don’t be rude about it.
Walk gently and. People are more critical about body gestures than our utterances.
Do not make not while chewing or eating and never talk during eating.
Give respect to the elderly and never exchange words with them. Allow them to do the talking while you listen, even if you are right.
Be outspoken but circumspect in your deliveries (talk)
Desist from long argument and winning them. Try to “understand” those around you, so they feel “comfortable” around you.
Have a blessed life.
Mr Hko –

THE LASTING MARRIAGE

A LASTING MARRIAGE

It takes about 10 – 20 years to Stabilize a marriage. That means that you have many years “to court (study each other) in the marriage”. What it means is that, “you never really knew each other before and right after marriage, irrespective of the tenure of the dating and courtship.”
That familiarity mix starts right after marriage. So you see why you should never embrace the perception and expectation of: “I will be happy immediately (if) I marry.”

Marriage (lasting marriages) rather starts on a note of disappointment, incessant quarrels, misunderstandings and other consequential background (family and mode of raising) disparities as such. Not forgetting unforseen occurrences in life that we (as partners) may encounter.

However, serious physical and emotional abuse shouldn’t be overlooked. Even with those, remember you have a decade or two to endure in order to firmly establish your marriage and family.
What you perceive to be a challenge and a serious problem may not be so some few years to come – people change, so do circumstances. What is needed in marriage is Love and Longsuffering (Endurance)

Never ever create expectations (personal ideas of what you want, think, hear or see around you) in marriage – In the area of sex, respect, headship (of a man), decision making, finances, temperaments, tastes and preferences and so on. Just resonate with your partner and give more love. Remember, things
“mix well do not slacken or die – whatever (love / marriage) dies, was not mixed equally (John Donne)

After that period of endurance and exhibition of love to cover our partner’s [sins and imperfections], then shall we start to enjoy marriage and understand the true meaning and foundation of marriage and family life.

– Mr. Hko –

DO YOU EASILY GET OFFENDED?

Being easily offended is quite linked to anger symptoms. It’s high time we checked our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) so as to have a hold of our emotions. We have to understand that we cannot stay unoffended, but how do we react if we get offended by friends, workmates, family members or our spouses. Do we angrily register our displeasure, or gently act patiently towards both the offence and the offender?
Take a moment to really weigh the impact of that question. What if nothing could offend you? Consider if nothing was a scandal, a snare, or a stumbling block in your life. We become unoffendable when we aren’t caught up in what other people say to us or about us. You can think of it as becoming “offense-proof” to really build a strong emotional Control and behavioral check (like anger management). In fact, one way to manage anger at any level of life is to really try to live an offence-free lifestyle. This doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get offended or your skin is immune towards pain or bitterness. No, but you have to make a calculated and a conscious effort to psyche yourself into accepting the views, actions and inactions of others, without taking things personally. Be objective as possible about everything. This will eventually allow you to give people a listening ear so as to think critically in trying to understand the reasons behind their actions, etc., towards you or others.
We all have opportunities to be offended and to live in that moment. In fact, we live in a highly sensitive culture where it’s trendy to do so. But, being offended is exhausting and distracting. It shifts your focus from important things, and whatever consumes your mind controls your life. It destroys your personal relationship with others and impedes healthy friendship as well.
As said earlier, being offended spills over into every area of your life—your family, friends, and all other relationships. I’ve talked to many, many people who missed opportunities and relationships because something happened that upset them—and most of them got feud with anger and everything came to rather a sad end. Generational blessings and opportunities happen when people free themselves from the snare of offense.
If you live offended, you attract other people who are offended and healthy people (friends, family, spouses) will avoid you. When people are focused on living a positive life, they will quickly recognize offense and avoid it!

There are two stages of offense: feeling offended, and living offended. Feeling offended is unavoidable, but you can fight to not live offended. The line between the two can be foggy, but recognizing the feeling of offense and choosing to fight for freedom from offense will be some of the most important work we do. If you didn’t know you had a choice, don’t feel bad. Most people don’t.

No one can offend you without your permission. When you truly own your story, you have the power to choose. To live unoffended means there’s nothing bubbling under the surface, there’s no holding on to something that happened or something that was said. It means moving on mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Even though we all feel offended from time to time, it doesn’t mean we have to live offended. We can set down that feeling of offense and move our lives forward into peace and forgiveness.

Recall a time you felt offended by yours spouse, family, or friend. Were you able to move on from that offense, or are you still carrying it today or holding a grudge against that fellow?

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor) / 2020

SECRETS TO OVERCOMING LIFE’S DIFFICULT CHALLENGES (PART 1)

Life is a rollercoaster. Today we are high in spirit, the next minute we are devasted and even wished to be swallowed by the earth. That’s how life seem to be and sadly, we as humans, can do little or nothing to alter or prevent the “dynamics of life”. It’s even painful that most often we don’t get what we want and it seems we always face the worse or worst.
Well, in as much as we cannot do anything about the unforseen occurrences of life, we can build resilience and Psychological (Mental) tenacity to sail through the tussles of life. There are many Psychological mechanisms an individual can put in place to build a strong “mental fortress to stand the test of time of life”.
This part of the article seeks to look at the physiological (Physical) Outlook in times of crises

Our body posture and exuberance can go a long way to create the endurance we need to face challenges in life and to have a brighter perspective of the future.
Now, let’s carry out this simple exercise. Take a mirror and pose exactly how you act or look when you feel anxious, sad, afraid, or troubled. Take a close notice of your posture.
Now take a different look at yourself in the mirror when you feel ecstatic and very confident with no worries, perhaps as if you’ve just received a great news.
Now compare the two postures or body outlooks.
You would realise that the first posture was pathetic. Your eyes were not fully opened, your face might be down, you looked as if you were hiding, your face looked sullen, and your legs, shrunk.
Conversely, your second posture was that of exuberance, with your eyes wide open, your head up and with a broad smiling face.
No matter the situation we might face in life, let’s try our best to look like the latter of the two postures. If we do, we would only appear to be “Psychological tough” Until the problem vanishes or the situation gets better without even our notice. When you appear confident and balanced in posture during trying times, we send a very positive energy out so that we keep “alive” to find lasting solutions to the problem or situation.
It’s about learning not to turn away from what is painful, and instead, turning toward your suffering to live a life full of meaning and purpose. This is what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT) is all about, and it is at the core of what we call psychological flexibility: The ability to accept our pain and live life as we desire, with our pain when there is pain.
We can transform our lives by seeking not to eradicate our difficult thoughts and emotions, or numb them away, but to cultivate psychological flexibility, which allows us to accept them for what they are and not let them rule our lives. It is what we do that matters, and that gives us the means to live in a way that is richly meaningful to us, despite even the hardest of life’s challenges. So, no matter the situation, let’s look positive and full of life to create that “atmosphere” to fight every “temporary problem we may face in life”

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

“WOMAN – CAPTURE YOUR MAN’S HEART WITH THESE 5 TIPS.”

Every woman desires to capture her man’s heart. The chances that she would give grounds for another to take her place or loose him to another is very low.
And so in the quest to achieve this objective, some go the extreme but still results in futility, some fail along the line, some also try to copy others, while others simply miss the providential way. Capturing your man’s heart is not about imprisoning him,holding him in captivity or having control over him and treating him as your puppet. No! In fact you may even push him away from you if you fail to apply the right modules operandi. You may become too obsessed without you even knowing.
To capture someone’s heart means to make a place for yourself in that person’s heart or life. You become a very important person in their cycle of influence and you play a very integral role in their lives which the man must recognize too . Your significance in his life should be worth it.
For a man to commit to you, stay with you, and be yours forever, he has to feel a deep emotional connection with you called love.But you must understand that attraction isn’t enough,Desire isn’t enough and so is Infatuation not enough.
The most important thing is that He has to fall in love.
Woman! understand that men don’t fall in love because of sex and you don’t have to be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen to win his heart.
Every relationship is special and so it is very important you maintain that uniqueness.
You can call it your tactics since it’s that which captivates your man and giving you a competitive advantage.
To capture the heart of the man you so love,do these;

1. Connect with YOUR Heart
By far, the fastest way to push a man’s emotional love button is to connect with your heart first.
You may have heard that men don’t like emotional women. That’s only true when it comes to women who place expectations around their emotions…
That’s what we call “drama.” Truth be told men LOVE the emotions of women.
Emotions create mystery and allow us to connect to our hearts, which connects us to the woman we’re with in a deeper way than looks, sex, or convincing a man you’re perfect for each other will ever do.

2. Accept Him for Who He is
Like most women, you want to find a man who accepts you for who you are right?
Men are no different. They want to be accepted for who they are too.
In fact, lots of men feel like society and feminism condemn and shame them for being men.
Men are used to women trying to “fix” or change them.
Men are used to women telling them that they should be more like women.
If you can show a man that you accept him for who he is, he’ll begin to trust you.
If he starts to trust you, he’ll open himself up around you in a way that he doesn’t with most people.
And it’s that vulnerability that creates a deep emotional connection that makes him fall in love paving way for you to also capture his heart.

3. Make Him Feel Safe to Open Up Around You
If you want a man to feel like you’re different than all the other women he’s ever met in his life, then you need to make him feel safe around you.
While this may sound weird… I mean… a guy needs to feel safe around a woman?
Shouldn’t it be the opposite way around?
Men may actually be a lot more sensitive than you might realize.
The thing is that we walk around the world constantly guarded. So if you can make him feel safe, that’s the best chance you have of getting him to open up around you.
He’ll express his inner most, private feelings with you. And that’s what creates real intimacy.
And when he starts sharing himself in this way, he’ll begin to feel like he wants to be with and around you all the time(desire to have you around him) because your presence brings him comfort
He’ll want to touch you and hold you in his arms.
He’ll fall in love.
Men Fall in Love With Women Who Have This “Secret Ingredient”
Have you ever done everything you could to make a man feel like you’re the right woman for him only to still have him leave you?
That’s because being “everything a man wants” isn’t what makes him FEEL like you’re the right one for him.
In fact, the actual attempts of “being everything” for a man is exactly what he doesn’t want from a woman and so Note
Because “being everything” is exactly what he wants to be for a woman.
It’s a masculine way to act and will always result in a man pulling away, losing interest, and disappearing on you
Instead, he looks out for almost exactly the opposite.

4.Revere Him
To revere means to have great respect for someone or something.
Respect is a cardinal virtue; it is the foundation of any relationship that endures and stands the test of time. Respect can help re-ignite a relationship long after the flame of love and lust has sputtered. Many men marry the woman who respects him, even over the woman who loves him.
Men may sleep with, talk to, and care about the woman they love (and lust), but often love only isn’t all they need.
A lot of this has to do with the term “I love you.” To a man and a woman, this term can have different meanings. A man may interpret it as “don’t hurt me” or even “you’re trapped.” Men see the love from a woman as more of a commodity than something novel.
Of course, the words make him feel good when he hears them, but they don’t sing to his soul. Men have crippling inadequacies they silently battle their entire lives.
So, figure out why you respect your man. What are you proud of him for? What can you acknowledge him for? How can you make him feel good about himself? Then, tell him. Don’t tell him merely that you love him, tell him why you love him.
Another way to express your respect is to apologize when you’ve made a mistake or said something wrong. You (and he) must make the relationship more important than individual egos. When he knows you respect his character, he will let you in deeper, exposing other tender parts of his soul where he needs healing and support,hence having your way through to his heart.

5. Trust him
Relationship without trust is like a building without a foundation. Even a mild wind can cause it to fall. Learn to trust him even in the midst of events threatening and wishing you otherwise. Men do appreciate women who trust them. If you don’t trust him, then no need to start or establish anything with him. Once you are in the relationship or married already, there may come times when your trust in him will be put to test. You may never know and you never can tell when. In such trying times and insecurities, approach him and let him know how you feel. Don’t listen to the crowd even when they go to the extreme to prove what they’re saying, don’t believe them over your man. You should rather defend him before them. Perhaps what they’re saying is actually the truth but hey! don’t rush to do the uncalled for and when you go home, you sit your man down to talk about it and do so in a mature way.
These additional tips will also help you to achieve your objective of capturing a man’s heart:

Find ways to acknowledge him for things he does that may go unnoticed.

Be proud of him for something that matters.

Trust yourself that you are strong enough to let down your guard around him because when you do, the two of you can be real with one another.

Be yourself; be who you’re meant to be.
Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor) / Scilla Yung / 2020

THE NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF : 14 SECRETS OF SELF-WORTH AND SELF-BELIEF

Most often, we yearn to respect and be respected to feel worthy and appreciated, but it is rather extremely important to Respect ourselves, to start with.
You might think self-respect would be easy to possess , but it’s not. Self – Respect could be likened to Integrity. Integrity is simply the strict adherence of self developed and worthy principles and thoughts that guides your life fulfilment in any aspect. So if you lose your integrity you lose your self worth, hence self respect.

If you’re finding yourself constantly going against your beliefs and feelings, then it’s time you developed your self-respect. Will it take hard work? Absolutely.

A little self-respect goes an extended way. So, here are the ways to respect yourself.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR LACK OF SELF-RESPECT
You’ve got a scarcity (low) of self-respect. It stings reading that, doesn’t it? Yeah, I know. But you’ve got to listen to it from someone. Acknowledge that you simply have a scarcity (low) of self-respect because that’s the sole way you’ll change. When you repeatedly hear friends telling you “Respect Yourself”, then you need to reflect and look into it. This is often a phase, so erupt it.
SPECIALISE IN LOVING YOURSELF.

This is often easier said than done. I do know you’ve got tons of distractions – school, work, boyfriend/girlfriend. But you’ve got to show to yourself and specialise in you. If not, you won’t be ready to personally develop – and you would like that, we all got to grow. So, if someone is dragging you down, take a break and take a outing to figure on you on ways to love yourself more.

FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION.

Follow your gut. Self-respect means respecting your intuition. Everyone has intuition, it’s a survival skill that humans are given. So, not following it might be a waste. If something doesn’t feel right, persist with that feeling because you’re right.

4. CHANGE THE WAY YOU MENTION YOURSELF

Have you ever heard a lover mention you during a positive thanks to someone else? That’s how you would like to seem at yourself. Check out yourself how your friends see you because that’s the important you.You need to require away the self-doubt and only believe what you’ll do. If you retain thinking negatively, you won’t be ready to complete your goals.

SAY “NO.” YOU DON’T NEED TO BE THE “YES MAN.”

Try saying it aloud immediately . NO. N-O. It’s such alittle word, yet it holds such a robust impact. Of course, it’s terrifying to mention it to someone, but you’ve got your boundaries that you simply got to stick with . So, say NO whenever it is necessary or you have something to protect.

REMOVE TOXIC PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

You’ll need to cut some “important” people out of your life, but if they’re toxic, you definitely can’t have them around. Now, if they’re your family, it’s going to be challenging, but you would like to seek out how to limit the negativity. These people will simply suck your energy and destroy you slowly if you don’t.

SET YOUR OWN MORAL CODE (INTEGRITY)

Who cares what your friends do on the weekends? If you don’t want to drink, then don’t. You would like to line your own moral codes and follow them. Some individuals don’t roll in the way people that are in relationships.
I personally find Sex on First Date, End-Games! So I have that code that guides me in the event of meeting a new partner. What is your own moral code or integrity in life?

FIND OUT HOW TO HANDLE YOUR EMOTIONS.
This doesn’t mean you’ve got to cover behind an emotional wall and never open up to anyone. This suggests that you simply need to process your emotions the negative ones in a way that’s positive and productive for you. Sure, you’ll cry, but at some point, you’ve got to wipe those tears and keep going.
DON’T ACCEPT LESS.

Just don’t roll in the hay . I mean, come on. You literally have one life. Don’t accept your boyfriend or girlfriend who’s cheating on you or verbally abuses you. Don’t settle. If you agree , you’re abandoning on yourself and your life. you’ve got to line your personal standards and confirm you don’t go below them. Never settle for less!

10 .LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF.

If you would like to understand the way to respect yourself, learn to simply accept that you are not perfect. We all make mistakes, some big, some small, but we make them. But that being said, you’re getting to need to let those feelings go. And honestly, it’s going to be hard.

But if you respect yourself, you’ll let those feelings go. That way, you’ll be ready to advance together with your life and reach a positive future.

FORGIVE OTHERS.

It’s only normal that you’re getting to have people in your life who have hurt you. But if you harbor that anger inside you, it’s only hurting yourself.

The best thing that you simply can do is to forgive them. It’s not about them, this is often purely about you. You’ll have more room in your heart and mind to require positive energy instead of that negative crap.

BE HONEST.

You’ve got to be honest, not only with yourself but with the people around you. Honesty may be a true sign that you simply love yourself.

You’re ready to distinguish what’s good for you and what’s not and take hold of your life. There are getting to be moments when your honesty will challenge you, but that’s the last word test of your self-respect.

CLEAN BODY, CLEAN MIND.

If you truly respect yourself, then you’ll respect your body and soul. This suggests you’ll want to require of your body – it’s the tool that’ll take you thru life.

You don’t need to compute six hours each day, but by eating healthy and exercising, you’re showing that you simply respect yourself. By showing yourself that you simply love your body, you’ll feel happy and loved.

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS.

If we compare ourselves to those around us, well, we’d never get anywhere. most are different, you’re just getting to need to accept that. Some people are going to be better at painting than you or they’ll be thinner or stronger than you.

So, it is very important we develop our self respect, which will improve our self worth and eventually reflect on the quality of life we would have as humans.

You have to specialise in yourself and not concentrate to the others around you. Stay focused on yourself. “The only comparing and competing you should be doing, is wit yourself” – Mr. Hko

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

(Copied)

MEN – DO NOT TELL HER THESE 10 THINGS!

Words once spoken are very difficult to take back. No matter how you love your woman, you should never divulge to here these things. They could ruin everything because women are very sensitive and do not particularly forget what you tell them. The following are 10 things you should never tell your woman.

Don’t tell her how many women you have been with in the past: This is a very sensitive part which you need to avoid especially if you have been with a number of women in the past, keep the details to yourself if really you want to build the trust between the both of you. You can tell her you had an Ex, but never tell her the total number of women because it will make her feel uncomfortable thinking she may also be among the numbers soon.
Never Tell her about Your Family’s Deep Secrets: Family Secrets should always remain among the Family Members, because there are some secrets that you may utter and one day out of quarrels, she may use it against you, so you need to keep your family deep secrets intact. Don’t discuss what a family member has indulged in, except it’s something good.
Make Sure Not to tell her any bad thing Your family may have said about her: Your family are the only people that can tell you the wrongs of your partner, so if you open up telling her what your family members said about her which are not good, it will certainly hurt her, and also will raise hatred from her towards your family, because she would see them as people against her.
Do Not Tell Her the bad things your friends said about her in other to correct her: Many a time, men choose to tell their lover what their friends said about her in their discussions, thinking it will help correct the woman. But sincerely it won’t, rather will make her dislike those your friends.
Do Not Tell her deep things or Secrets about Your Past relationship: Every relationship has secrets that are meant to die between you both, so don’t think because that relationship is over, you can open up to the new lover. It’s totally wrong because one day, she may use it against you out of annoyance. Only reveal past secrets of relationships that might creep into your current affair with your wife. Example you can’t hide a child you bore out of wedlock from your woman, and other serious things that transpired.
Do not ever compare her with another woman: Comparison kills a lot in a relationship, always accept your love as she is and that alone will make her love you more. Even when watching movies, never make comparison of her with characters on the screen, or stare the characters too much.
Do Not Tell Her You want to give money to your family: Money is always a problem in some relationship, the very moment you tell your love you want to send certain amount of money to your family or a family member, then her unnecessary needs will raise up also to collect money from you and if you refuse, then it becomes a problem, because she will assume you value your family more than her.
Do Not Tell Her You will Train Her in School, especially when you are not married to her: This aspect has really been a major problem, you may so much love her and want to train her, do it yourself via helping, because you don’t know how the relationship may end, maybe at some point she may lose feelings for you, but due to the fact you are sponsoring her education, she may decide to stay untill she is done, then she will quickly walk out, then you are at a big lost.
Do Not Tell Her Another Woman’s Food Tastes Better than Hers: You should know that this hurts a lot, so avoid it so your relationship could continue perfectly.
Do Not tell a woman You can’t do without Her: This aspect may be confusing but, it’s the pure truth, telling a woman you can’t do without her makes her feel she can misbehave and because you can’t do without her, you will keep running back to her, in some cases it makes the woman feel she can control the man anyhow she wants.

So if you really want to maintain your relationship, avoid telling a woman the above 10 things, no matter how much you are inloved with her.

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

FOUR THINGS TO DO TO BE LIKED

Do you usually find it difficult to make friends? Or sometimes you feel dejected and different from others, in that, no one wants to get close to you?
It’s true that our happiness does not depend on the acceptance of everyone but we all yearn to be loved and cherished deep within and we love to have people around us who care about us.

Here are 4 (four) things to consider concerning why we might push away the affection or friendship we desire.

1. Do You Show That You Care?

Wanting people to care about you is a natural desire. But to what extent do you care about others? If you’re skilled at taking— looking for what you can get without much bandwidth to notice what others want from you, then no wonder people don’t feel drawn to include you among their friends.

How often do you offer your caring attention to people? Do you inquire into what’s happening in their world or intuit what they need to feel safe and happy? Or are you quick to talk about yourself (boast) and see how they might serve you?

2. Do You Extend Empathy?

When you hear about another’s suffering, do you perceive it as their problem and nothing you need to be concerned about? Do you have an aversion to hearing about people’s challenges and difficulties?
Can you recognize when a person is hurting, afraid, or grieving? How close do you allow yourself to get to those feelings within yourself? Or have you tried crafting a life where sorrow doesn’t touch you?
Do you view uncomfortable emotions as a threat to the image you want to project? Might you consider tapping into an emotional strength that expands your tolerance for unpleasant feelings such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment? Doing so might make you a larger person.
If you experience emotions as a nuisance, you’ll turn away from them when others display them. It’s difficult to like you if you don’t register people’s feelings and respond with compassion.
A path forward is to pause before quickly responding to others, which might help you relate to them in a non-judging, non-shaming way. But in order to do that, you need to cultivate empathy toward your own vulnerable feelings. Emotions aren’t a weakness; they connect us with ourselves and each other.
Everyone grows up with their fair share of loss, failure, and adversity. Try being more sensitive to other’s struggles. This requires that you embrace your own uncomfortable feelings with kindness and acceptance. Embracing vulnerability makes you more human, potentially more kind, and more attractive to people.

3. Check Your Arrogance Level

Do you pause long enough to allow people to respond to your thoughts, views, and opinions, or do you ride roughshod over others’ sensibilities? Do you take up all the space in a conversation? Do you quickly dismiss what’s not harmonious with your pre-existing beliefs? Is it possible that they’re seeing something that you’re not?
Are you convinced that you’re always right? Are you strong enough to acknowledge that you’re wrong sometimes and to allow yourself to be influenced by others’ viewpoints? Do you cling to a rigid mindset that prevents you from changing your mind?

Arrogance is off-putting and might be contributing to your isolation. Recognizing that you could be wrong is the beginning of wisdom. Humility is attractive.
Everyone wants to feel that their feelings, longings, and humanity matter. If you can find the resilience to extend caring attention to others and honor their experience, you might find that people are naturally inclined to like you.
Try to find a harmonious balance between giving and receiving. Listen carefully and reflect back a bit of what you’re hearing. You might find that people love it, just as you do.

4. Check Your Appearance and Demeanor
Appearance could be everything and the way you carry yourself about really matter. Do you sneeze without covering your mouth? Do you wear shabby or dirty clothes? Do you take care of your body and how it smells? These and many other Physical qualities may attract or put people away from you. We should really pay attention to our Physical appreance and make sure we appear neat and welcoming.
The path toward being liked isn’t shrouded in mystery. It often comes down to being kind, caring, empathic and appearing welcoming toward people and experiencing ourselves as a part of the human condition, rather than someone who is special or better than others. All the great spiritual traditions teach us to love one another. Genuine spiritual leaders are loved because they loved us.

If we can reach inside ourselves and extend even a small amount of caring, gentleness, and responsiveness toward others, we’re likely to find they appreciate us for doing so, even if we don’t do it perfectly. In fact, people feel threatened by perfect people, so pretending we’re perfect is counterproductive. If we take the risk to honor and extend our imperfect self, we might be pleasantly surprised by the positive response we receive.

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

ARE YOU IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?

No one intentionally enters into a bad relationship, and every couple hits a rough patch from time to time. But there’s a difference between coping with some temporary glitches and being stuck in a relationship that’s turned toxic. Yet some people linger long after the warning signs arise.
People stay in toxic relationships for many reasons. “We get comfortable with the status quo (situation) and just continue on the same path because change is hard. We engage in denial and go on because it’s easier.”
That denial can make it pretty difficult to figure out that you ought to cut ties ASAP. While you likely have an inkling that something is amiss, you might not be sure if you’ve ended up in a toxic relationship that’s beyond saving. Not sure how to sort it out?
Start by asking yourself these 9 questions. These questions will help you realize whether or not you are in a toxic relationship so you make a thoughtful decision.

1. ARE YOU OFTEN SCREAMING AND FIGHTING?
There’s no such thing as a couple who always agrees on everything, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster. If your conflicts are incredibly intense and lead to drastic words or actions or even physical assault, then there is cause for concern. Experiencing ‘zero to sixty,’ or being fine one day and then in crisis the next day, is also a sign that your relationship is toxic. And of course, any physical violence is a clear signal to get out now!

2.ARE YOU CONSTANTLY KEEPING SCORE?

Relationships shouldn’t feel like a game of basketball where each person is keeping track of how many times they’ve done something good or even something bad.
“We all fall victim to this at times, but a relationship that is consumed by keeping score is toxic”. “Whether you and your partner constantly highlight one another’s faults or you find yourself reciting your resume of good deeds, it’s a sign that you’ve turned against each other.” (Are you the victim of verbal abuse without even realizing it?)

3.ARE YOU AFRAID TO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THE IMPORTANT STUFF?

We’re not talking about whose turn it is to take out the garbage. If you’re hesitant to tell your partner about what’s really weighing on your mind—which might include things they’re doing (or not doing) in the relationship—watch out.
“Let’s face it, it’s not always easy to confront someone you care so much about” . “But when couples opt for keeping it comfortable instead of keeping it real, I hear a death knell ringing” for the relationship.

4.DOES YOUR PARTNER ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES?

You might not have realized it in the beginning, but over time a narcissist’s (someone who only sees themselves as important) true personality traits will be revealed. “When you’re with a narcissist, there will only be one person who matters, and it won’t be you,” says therapist and couples counselor Evie Shafner. (These are the six issues that kill a relationship every time.)
A narcissist will try to manipulate or guilt you into meeting their needs while ignoring yours. They mostly talk about themselves and aren’t really responsive to what’s going on with you. And the biggest issue is that they have no empathy.

5.DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

If you’re working overtime to please your partner yet getting nowhere, you probably never will. Making someone feel like they can’t do anything right can be a serious sign of psychological abuse. “Your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, a soft place to land. If they’re not, buyer beware—and love yourself enough to leave.”

6.ARE THEY SELFISH IN BED?

Although sex is only one part of your relationship, it’s usually a pretty important one. And a partner who treats you poorly in the bedroom is unlikely to be kind in other areas of the relationship. Guilt-tripping a partner into having sex when they don’t want to or ignoring a partner’s need for pleasure might be signs that you should end things.

7. ARE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER OVERWHELMED WITH JEALOUSY?

This can show up as constantly having to account for your whereabouts and who you are with. “Everything you do must not just include them, but revolve around them. You might find it easier to either lie—and, when your lies are uncovered, everything blows up anyway—or you choose to stop having a life, friends, and interests of your own because the price is too high.” In either case, it’s hardly a sign of a healthy relationship.

8.DOES YOUR PARTNER DISRESPECT YOUR FAMILY?
Of course, there may be times your partner might have a couple of squabbles with your family based on genuine concerns or justified points, but if they grossly disrespect your family for no apparent reason, then it’s time you look into things well. Any insult directed to your family by your spouse is directly directed to you.

9.DON’T IGNORE CERTAIN COMPATIBILITIES

Language of a tribe, spiritual inclinations and visions and goals of our spouses should be somewhat considered if we want a healthy relationship. Yes, you should marry a person who shares a spiritual faith with you and you could understand their Language and many other compatibilities. If you are opposites in some of these crucial element of livelihood, then you should know that the relationship is or could turn toxic in the long run.

The above are some indications that you are in a toxic relationship. However, each and every one knows what they want and you should not be surprised some couples will still continue in such relationships. The button line is to know when to end things in such toxic relationships.

Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

There is no one universal definition for love. But love is an act. It goes beyond what we see, feel and think to be.
A person can’t make or establish a relationship because it takes two or more.
So in a relationship, both parties are ready to sacrifice, support, make things work between them, contribute in a way or the other etc
Every relationship too, must have “Love” as a basis; a relationship without love is like a seed yet to be planted. It takes time to make root, gradually grows to become as desired. The most important virtue to groom and nurture love in any relationship is Patience

So it requires very great effort on the part of both partners, else, it can’t work for them. Therefore, you shouldn’t venture into one knowing very well you are not ready otherwise, you will be wasting your time and that of the other person. Not just that but then, you would have toyed with people’s emotion. The effect is that, they won’t believe in love because of past experiences and so don’t and never be the reason for which someone would never want to be in a relationship or love again.
Relationships are periods in our life when we discover the need for the opposite sex. A period where someone becomes a part of your “walk in life”, learn to know more of you, or them and vice versa and if possible this relationship may grow and result into marriage.
Love is a glue that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But what is love, and how do you know if you are truly in love?
In fact, it’s difficult to define love because everyone’s perception of real love can be dramatically different. But people often get confused between lust, attraction, and companionship.
Hence, there is no one best definition of love.
Love is generally an intense feeling of euphoria and deep affection for someone or something.
This may not encompass all the emotions that are surging within you and so to help you understand what the meaning of love in a relationship is, here are some signs that the emotions you are feeling are indeed in line with the concept of love.

1. Love is not lust
“it was love at first sight,” is a common phrase we normally hear people say. love is not something we feel right away. It actually takes time to grow alongside other factors e.g personality, otherwise, what you are feeling is something in the other person that attracts your fantasy. Nothing else and Love that is based on feelings is infatuation.
Real love is not feelings. It’s truth, understanding and actions.
That strong feeling of attraction, like a magnet pulling you towards that person you’ve just met is infatuation and sexual chemistry.
Mother nature gives us a big dose of infatuation in order to get us together initially.
Love does include sexual chemistry, but it differs because it is an emotion that takes time to build. Lust can appear in an instant; love evolves over a period of time as you get to know the other person inside and out and so note the differences.

2. Love completes a relationship
You may be immensely sexually-attracted to your partner, but that does not mean you understand and loves your partner .
If you haven’t developed a base of loving feelings with your partner, once the sexual spark dies down, you will become bored with the relationship. So you see it’s not love. That is why you must not start a relationship with sex – That kills relationships!

3. Love takes time to bloom
A loving relationship is not built in a day. The threads of love take time to weave together to form a strong bond.
It is only as you and your partner share your thoughts, fears, dreams, and hopes that love takes root. So trust the process and don’t rush love. It’s got it own timetable that needs to be respected and not hurried.

4. Love means compromise
Love in a relationship is to compromise your needs in order to accommodate your partner’s needs or desires willfully.
But we don’t sacrifice our own self in doing this, nor should the other person require us to sacrifice our own self for their personal gain. That’s not what love is about in a relationship.
So if you see these signs of what love encompass in your relationship, rest assured that you have been lucky enough to experience true love.
Work hard to maintain this love for a healthier & happier relationship, and don’t ever let it go.
To make your relationship work, give love a meaning and don’t copy others because when it doesn’t work, you could jeopardize the relationship and have yourself to be blamed.
Stay healthier, happier

Koenzagh / Scilla Yung / 2020