The Life – Mr. Hko

Conventionally, the subject of forgiveness dawns on each and everyone of us, only when we feel someone or something has severely injured our ego, expectations, emotions or trust.
We can’t deny the “health-service” we render to our heart and mind, if we finally decide to “swallow the pill of forgiveness”.

The most important thing to forgive on this earth is “First Impression”.
Impression is of two dimensions – observation with the physical eyes and the experience (encounter) imparted on us by things, events and people. However, both dimensions are intertwined and usually form the conclusive decision (judgement) or perception we have about whatever or whoever we experience and observe.
Normally, the eye is naturally supposed to be a slave to the mind and heart. All three (mind, heart and eye) are used to perceive (see), but the eye must be dependent on the mind (reasoning and analysis) and heart (purpose) in order to function effectively. The eye, when left alone to see, most often than not, results in catastrophic regrets and misinformed decisions about life. Everything we see in life is deception. Why? Because what we see is always fleeting. You see a tiny moth today, and tommorow it transforms into a butterfly. That is why the eyes are so weak in drawing conclusions as to what they see, hence we can’t rely on them
We are bound to head towards destruction in life or lose life-time opportunities if we refuse to perceive with the mind and heart.
As we come across people, they usually create intensive Impression on us, perhaps due to how they appear, how they treat us, or their general demeanor.
We must always remember, as we have appreciated, that whatever the eye sees might not be real; a deception. So instead of outright judgement of what we see or experience of others or situations, we must forgive them After the instant forgiveness, then we open our minds and heart, as it were, to see the reasons or the spirit behind what you see or experience and why they happen.
So many fictions and even real life experiences have taught us that many people lost gold, because they judged what they see; they couldn’t forgive first impression.
We come across people in every facet of life and it is prudent we always forgive whatever impression we make of them and give them a second chance. You would often realize that afterall, they are not what you perceived them to be, and this can be really rewarding.

Instead of judging people with what we see and experience of them as we meet them, let us always remember that whatever the eyes see or experience is fleeting, and that we would do well to see with reasoning (mind) and purpose (heart) in order to understand the spirit behind whatever or whoever we encounter. “By this, gold is always found at hopeless places”.

Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach)
Facebook: HK Ocran
Instagram: mr._hko
Web : hkodaily.health.blog
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At a glance, the first part of the theme, may look absurd and unserious to you and the second part rather might be your reality and reasoning. This is how subconsciously, societal narratives of life, and your personal experience (bitter) in life make you think.
The world is a very malleable place. If you know what you want, and you go for it with maximum energy and drive and passion, the universe would often reconfigure itself around you much more quickly and easily than you would think. There is nothing like a negative energy. All energies (people, events, circumstances, etc.) only come to actually fortify us and make us who we so desire to be. The only difference is that, the way and manner we envisage life to be, isn’t what we see, however, it is often what we need to be, at a given time. You often think life is a warfare between you and the universe (situations, people, things). In our local Language, “Obra y3 oko`” , that notion is confirmed. No, rather, You and the universe are one; an entity. You need no “struggle” to survive. There is nothing like survival of the fittest in this human cosmic space (universe). If you understand that you are a part of the universe and make it whole, then there is no war, or fight – No struggle. It’s just a matter of a role to play as a significant part of the whole universe, in order to be useful in (to) the universe. Even at the lowest moment of your life, your role in any form or magnitude is very crucial. Only with this, life would make meaning to you and you would “fit” in situations in the universe as a part of a whole, rather than being a lost, hopeless and a failed being – totally misplaced from the universe. “As you get misplaced, the universe in its own intrinsic make- up, connects with another being more “fitting” to assume your part of the whole.” That is when you totally get hopeless (disconnected) and even would want to vanish (take your life) from the scorches of the universe. Just accept and make the best out of all circumstances and people – for these are exactly what you need to get to your concieved idea of success and remain intact and a solid part of the universe.

That is how nature ( the universe) “plays” with us; let’s win the “game”. Life is a play (you have a role at all times of your life to stay relevant – hence, there is no useless moment of your life), not war (survival of the fittest) where people who lack this wisdom, even can kill or lose themselves just to “survive”. Life is a play, not war. Continue to stay relevant in your own space and circumstances and never fall out of the whole of this universe.

Mr. Hko ( Writer and Coach)
Facebook: HK Ocran
Instagram: mr._hko
Web: Koenzanews.com

The whole earth (planet) rotates each micro second, but in silence and calmness so we don’t feel its rage or even love. This realization tells us that you need not to always “boil to defence” in order to settle differences, please your ego or comprehend complex situations. Always be calm and Silent, and operate maturely anyway.
In fact, being calm about everything allows your mind to find solutions. Calmness is also a state of trust and solidarity. Instead of overthinking and overreacting, you just surrender for that moment and allow yourself to receive guidance for what doesn’t make sense. Don’t just react to every situation. ‘Win with the rhetorics of calmness.’ Shouting during arguments and heated moments denotes lack of confidence, insecurity and immaturity Those who always react or overreact to unpleasantness, at home, workplace or anywhere they might be, usually find themselves feeling regrets of what they say or do. The human body is a machine, and just like every machine, it can “blow up” or spark fire when overheated with an overly anxious, troubled or agitated mind. It always needs to be cooled (calmed) down. Calmness is not only essential with unpleasantness; it is needed even with pleasantness. Imagine you receive a great present and your whole body (physical, mental and emotional) shakes and overreacts – the results could be unfortunate and even disastrous! You either destroy the present, by force-opening or misuse due to the fact that, your whole reasoning and perceptive powers were busy “jumping and galloping” to unveil and use the present instead of calmly and painstakingly reading the manual or instructions to the use of that present. Isn’t it? Yes. No matter how famished you may be, you still have to take mosel of food and soup carefully and calmly to avoid choking and possible embarrassment. So, Always be calm in all situations (pleasant and unpleasantness)
Also, just like overheating, that may destroy a machine, uncontrolled anger may overwork the body, and break its reasoning and love defenses. So many homes and relationships have been wrecked, and reputations stained due to the inability of a person to remain calm, no matter the news, temptation, provocation or confrontation. It is only by calmness, one finds the best and mature reply or approach to every situation. Calmness is just like paying rapt attention and listening carefully to understand the spirit and nitty-gritties of situations Calmness and Silence are intertwined and are very powerful tools of life. Silence is not necessarily the absence of words. But, instead of saying something at length, try using just a word or two to say it and don’t go further. With that, you master the art of Silence using “simple economy of words” approach. When one is Calm and Silent, they become spiritual. They assess situations tactfully before they judge or react. They say what is necessary at needed times to avoid regrets. In so doing, they protect dear relationships and their reputation.
Be Calm and Silent for a day; a two, a week; a two, and you would marvel at how enlightened you become. If you do that, it just implies that, you have burnt all possible toxic recations deep within you and so nothing regrettable is left to spew – You become really enlightened and balanced!

Calmness and Silence are keys to effective relationship and improved personality.

Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach)
Facebook: HK Ocran
Instagram: mr._hko
Web: Koenzanews.com

LIFE DON’T REALLY HAPPEN; EVERYTHING IS A DREAM; AN ILLUSION

Life is a dream; everything you see around you or situations you are facing is an illusion; it’s a dream. Life is a dream. The things that happened yesterday or an hour ago, are a dream you’ve awoken to realize presently, that is why you don’t see them anymore. Do you still see the woman bathing her daughter now as you saw a few minutes ago. No. That scene is an illusion. It never took place. It’s a dream. Life is a dream. Your assets, loved ones, family friends – all are illusion. It’s a dream. You are bound to “wake up” and realize it’s a dream. They never existed with you. You won’t find them anywhere. Where is that silky shirt you bought 4 years ago that was talk of town? The shirt was an illusion. It was never real; you were dreaming. You are awoke and it’s no more with you. Life is a dream. Cast your mind back to where you were today. At school, office, church, etc.? You saw a lot happened; all manner of activities. Where are they now? It’s disappeared right? Everything you experienced then, is an illusion. It’s a dream. They never really occurred. Now you are probably in a different place doing something different. You are awoke. Everything was an illusion; a dream.
If you see life as an illusion, a dream, you would smile at complaints, tough times and evil occurances. You know it’s a dream and bound to disappear as you are awoken and you would not really be affected by them anymore. Our joys and happiness are dreams too. You were so happy a few minutes ago. Why then are you sad now? The joy was illusion. Never real; a dream. Yes, everything in the world is an illusion; Life is a dream. There is absolutely no point in holding on to anyone or anything. They are not with you and the things are not happening. It’s just a figment of your imagination. It’s a dream. You will soon be awoke. Never cleave unto anything or anyone. Everything is not real. You were with yourself yesterday and today too with full consciousness. If there is anything you could hold on to, at least for a while, then it’s yourself. The grief here is that you are a dream yourself. Life is a dream.

Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach)

I wonder how such an act is so famous yet infamous! Why is it such a “weighty” issue for many, especially the youth? How can this addiction be —–
Well, I conjecture, you are itching to hear; “overcome”, “stopped” , or perhaps “defeated”

Well let’s take a ride!

Note that Masturbation as discussed in this article, is not the involuntary discharge of semen during sleep. This “discourse” focuses on the deliberate act by an individual to ejaculate for Sexual gratification, by physically manipulating their sexual organs.
So many times have I had “clients” come to me with the problem of Masturbation. The problem cuts across both sexes (girls and boys), irrespective of their ages. Almost all of them (the clients), in one way or the other, assert that, the habit in itself, gives them maximum pleasure and a great source of muscle relaxation. Wait a minute, before we delve into the reasons (pleasurable) they engage in Masturbation, let us consider why they remain perturbed in spite of this “ecstatic moment.”
Let’s examine the “kill joys (the guilt) of their joy (the pleasure from the act).”
So, why then would they want to stop “trading in this gratifying service” as they mentioned? For some, it is because of Religion: their religion frowns upon such “self-gratifying” act. For others, too, it is against their tradition or family custom. Still, others lament that it takes a rather adverse toll on their health and wellness in general, after the indulgence. A troubled “inner conscience” couldn’t escape the lenses of ‘the reasons why they would want to stop.’

Well, let’s talk about the reasons (pleasurable advantages) why they engage in such an act as I promised early on above. Most of them say it makes them sleep very well, hence, it is a form of antidote for insomnia or people who struggle to sleep. Others say it helps them to remain chaste ( a religious reason which ironically rather conflicts with its own self) since they would abstain from sex. Some, still, asserts that the act eliminates the risk of infection, pregnancy and so on. More claim it generally makes them happy even more than the satisfaction they derive after having sexual intimacy. These and many others are the reasons why they engage in the act.
Most importantly, for those of you who have never indulged in this addictive act, well, we never, ever want to. No amount of Counselling or Religious indoctrination or any form of Knowledge can “rescue an addict from this act.” WHY? Because:
Fighting Masturbation could be paralleled to a person who vows and attempts “never to have sexual tendencies.” It’s quite impossible, isn’t it?
Since it is impossible (that is, if you agree), then the question should rather be: *How can it be *curbed ( at least consciously reduced) and how can we “treat or mange” it ( the sexual tendencies, since they will “come” whether we like it or not) devoid of Masturbation?”
One must note that, the “Sexual tendencies associated with the desire to Masturbate, is quite different from the tendencies to have sex” That is why after sex, as a married couple even,
the person might still thirst to Masturbate. Hence, Marriage or engaging in casual sex CANNOT help one to completely stop Masturbation.

Let’s take a retrogression.
When does this desire start? It starts right from the day you begin noticing and giving “attentive eyes” to the opposite sex. It also starts from when you chanced on the nakedness of a female (be it your mother, sister, neighbor, friend, etc) with your mind fixed on the “show” but couldn’t get the opportunity to have sex with them. It starts when you started watching pornography yet you couldn’t get anyone to experiment what you were “learning through the movie” . What’s more? It starts when you eat junk (fatty) foods late in the night while drinking a lot of water. It starts when you are most often idle and refusing to change the channel from erotic scenes. In fact, Idleness and Masturbation are identical twins! It starts when you are inclined to be an introvert and mostly indoors. Stress and depression could also be a starter, which paradoxically, are the very situations people who indulgence in the act seek to reduce or eliminate.

Let’s make progress.
Remember: your first time of Masturbation will give you a feeling that sex may never or may not necessarily replace. It becomes more or less the “icing on the cake” for your Sexual pleasures. Hence, no amount of sex can quench the burning desires to Masturbate.
It becomes a sort of “sweet after meals” to climax a balanced diet.
Masturbation is an ancient act older than man and sex itself. When one gets entangled with it, he/she only cuts them off for a while, but like a tree, it sprouts again as soon as it finds a condusive atmosphere in your mind. Yes it all starts from the mind.

Talking about the mind, it sees clearer than the eyes. It sees and stores better than any other organ. Don’t even compare your 100 GiG RAM of Memory of the computer or the 100 Terabyte of hardware space to it. It has such “great memory and space” for both good things and garbage as well”. Funny, the “garbage” takes a long time there. That is why you have a very weight responsibility to really sieve what you decide to watch. What you watch (especially the “garbage”) can be there for centuries! The eyes are slaves to the memory (mind or brain); They serve the memory (mind or brain) with speed and accuracy!

That was just a little scientific lecture borne out of observation and common sense!
Just watch (be cautious of) what you watch. Be selective and sensible about it, if you are a young man who wants to have opposite paths with the “old age devil of addiction”- Masturbation.

I intuitively think that you are more interested in the “Hows” of dealing with this addiction and probably thinking I should be done with that already. I earnestly pray you have enjoyed the ride so far.
Now, let’s cut to the chase!
Without mincing words and to hit the nail right on the head, Masturbation can only be “managed not completely eliminated”. At least the ride you took up untill this point has “convinced” you of that.
The management of the addiction, however, can lead to drastic withdrawal from the act.
For clarity, Completely; means to live 20, 30, or more years on without having even a single relapse – you would agree, frankly that it is impossible! It’s just like swearing never to eat food that would trigger your ulcers or diabetes, but just realized you had no money or no option than to eat that and “survive”. Same could be said of Masturbation. The survival with that of Masturbation is the interim satisfaction your body so desires, at that “crucial moment”, which is tantamount to a Relapse. A Relapse is simply going back to, or repeating a habit you have vowed to stop. The thing about Relapse is that, it is a sign of great improvement in the fight against a particular habit, like smoking, drinking, etc. You must make sure your Relapse “attenuates” (gets smaller) day by day, till you feel no urge to do. This may continue to the extent of massive improvement, if not complete extinguishing.
Reasonably, the issue of “management” is more realistic than “complete extinguishing” in the fight against Masturbation. You ought to convince and constantly remind yourself of the kind of “regrets” you experience and the psychological breakdowns you encounter, anytime you give in to this act and eschew it. Remember to give yourself a reward (gift yourself a dress, nice food, watch, a treat etc) anytime you are able to reduce the activity daily. For instance if you Masturbate, let’s say, there times a day, and you are able to beat it to two or one, kindly praise yourself and with a reward. Eat your best food and spend on yourself. That way, you will forge ahead hoping for more rewards. Have a strong dwelling (deep thought) on your religious interpretation of the whole thing and make an effort to stop. You may decide to talk to a professional or a trusted friend – All these are “management tools”; they can’t quench it.

For a fact, you have to live! For a character like Jimmy in the play “Look Back in Anger” by John Osborne, he was completely misunderstood by all around him just because he lived. Living is not the opposite of death, but fully being who you are without malice or “sheer regrets”. Unlike Alison and Cliff, they were just following the routine of being what society accepted and that was tantamount to death, as claimed by Jimmy.
The buttom line is that, during a relapse, don’t judge yourself to death, just live. You might feel like a failure at first, but continue to live, “while reducing that aspect of life (the addiction) of your living gradually”
Being sullen and overly anxious would not help the situation, but rather break you. You must remain resolute to manage the situation even if there are relapses.

This is not a bulleted- points-form-of-a conventional-note you just read. It requires great “discernment and critical thinking” to understand the “discourse” so as to approach the “enemy (the addiction)” you are fighting, with tact and discreetness not with mere reasoning.

~Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach) ~
More articles on : hkodaily.health.blog
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A GOOD WOMAN, MAKES A GOOD WIFE AND A GOOD WIFE BECOMES A GOOD MOTHER. A GOOD MOTHER GIVES BIRTH TO A GOOD CHILD. IF YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD WOMAN, WIFE, AND MOTHER, EMULATE THESE STEPS BELOW:

1). Never raise your voice for any reason at your husband. It’s a sign of disrespect.

2). Don’t expose your husband’s weaknesses to your family and friends. It will bounce back at you. You are each other’s keeper.

3). Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband, you never know how your husband will interpret them. Defensive women don’t have a happy home.

4). Never compare your husband to other men. You’ve no idea what their lifestyles are all about. If you attack his Ego, his Love for you will diminish.

5). Never ill treat your husband’s friends because you don’t like them. The person who’s supposed to get rid of them is your husband. Only suggest humbly.

6). Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.

7). Never assign anyone to give attention to your husband. People may do everything else but your husband is your responsibility.

8). Never blame your husband if he returns home empty-handed. Rather encourage him.

9). Never be a wasteful wife. Your husband’s sweat is too precious to be wasted.

10). Never pretend to be sick to deny your husband’s needs. You must give it to him how he wants it. It’s very important to Men. If you keep denying him, it is a matter of time before another woman takes over that duty (including the “anointed” ones). A
Often, anointing doesn’t extend to this-STOP over spiritualizing your INTIMACY with your spouse if your marriage must last.

11). Never compare your husband to your one-time Ex-lover. Your home may Never recover from it if you do.

12). Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, until he permits you. Let him handle what is directed at/to him, although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.

13). Never shout or challenge your husband in front of your children. Wise Women don’t do that.

14). Don’t forget to check the smartness of your husband before he checks out.

15). Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband.

16). Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table. Out there your husband is always surrounded by women who took their time on their looks.

17). Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage. Don’t waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave.

18). Never base your love on monetary things. Will, you still submit to him even if you earn more money than him?

19). Don’t forget that husbands want attention and good listeners, never be too busy for him. Good communication is the bedrock of every happy home.

20). If your idea worked better than his, never compare yourself to him. It’s always teamwork.

21). Don’t be too judgmental with your husband. No man wants a nagging wife.

22). A lazy wife is a careless wife. She doesn’t even know that her body needs a bath.

23). Does your husband like a kind of cooked food? Try to change your cooking. No man jokes with food.

24). Never be too demanding to your husband. Enjoy every moment, resource as it comes.

25). Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your husband and everyone entering your home. The sweetness of attitude is true beauty.

26). Don’t associate with women who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.

27). Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable.

28) A confrontational wife, can never keep a good husband and her home. She will be grooming irresponsible sons, especially daughters without manners.

29) A woman who cannot manage her children, home and husband is a complete failure in life, no matter her achievements.

30) A wise woman honors her husband, and respects him; and the husband will reciprocate, by cherishing and loving her dearly-it will be natural. Husband is a beautiful gift from God. It’s an aberration for a woman to stay without a husband. No good man on earth can tolerate a confrontational and argumentative wife, except they have lost their value and become less of a real man.

31). The fruit of the womb is a blessing from God. It’s not your wife’s fault if particular sex isn’t forthcoming. It depends largely on the husband, so love your children and teach them well.

32). You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason.

33). A prayerful wife is very wise and intelligent. She is a better-equipped wife. Pray always for your husband and family. Conquer all your challenges and problems with prayers. Only God can solve our problems-not parents, not pastors or Imam. Not anybody but, only you and God

Send it to every woman you know. You never know whose marriage you are about to save. And to every man so that the women in their lives can be appreciated.

[PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR WIFE READS THIS IF YOU DESIRE A PEACEFUL

In most cases, it’s things like toxicity, cheating, addiction, lies, and a lack of normal communication that cause a couple to break up. However, sometimes the reasons for a split aren’t that obvious since we get too carried away with things to notice them. A person may have no bad habits and be healthy psychologically with a great appearance but the relationship can still develop a harsh crack after the first serious quarrel.

When we are newly coupled up, we tend to overlook some flaws, hoping things would change as time goes on. But once you get real about your relationship and consider it for all that it is – and all that it isn’t – some issues are just too serious to overlook.

Below, are 16 red flags that should be a cause for concern in any relationship.

1. THEY CHEAT ON YOU.

Leave. Seriously, get out! They’ll do it again, and even if they don’t, you deserve someone who would never violate your trust and risk your relationship like that.

2. THEY ONLY WANT MORE SÉX WITHOUT ANY INTIMACY

Most people think that a regular séx with your partner means a healthy relationship, but not always. Instead, “emotional, connected séx” likens to a healthy relationship. If you’ve fallen in love with the wrong person, you may have the idea that having more séx is the key to keeping your relationship alive. Many couples unconsciously switch from séx with an emotional connection to séx for necessity. If it becomes something you pencil into your agenda, it’s no longer an act of love but a ‘to-do.’ If sex is the only thing keeping the two of you together, that’s a sign you may be with the wrong one.

3. YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER

It all starts with small things like choosing a restaurant for a date, deciding on what to eat for dinner, or which movie to watch at the theatre. In a toxic relationship, you’ll never be asked — the partner will make reservations at a restaurant themselves and buy tickets for the latest thriller without inquiring about what you want to do. Your partner assumes that they know everything better while you don’t know anything by default. It can look like they’re being caring as if they’re protecting you from having to make decisions. But the truth is, you don’t have any right to speak out.

Unfortunately, the situation will worsen over time. Your partner will choose a new apartment by themselves in the city or they’ll choose what to name your first child. It’s quite difficult to make this kind of partner listen to your opinions.

4. YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE TO MAKE YOUR PARTNER HAPPY.

We all change a bit when we’re exposed to a new partner and their tastes — you have to watch an entire season of a particular movie because your boyfriend loves it or attempt to go vegetarian for a few months because your girlfriend has been one for years. It only becomes a real issue when you feel the need to change who you are at your core to satisfy your partner.

It’s a definite problem when you find yourself molding your values, opinions, and even your clothing style to suit your partner. If you have to think twice before you say a particular word because you feel like your partner is grading you, it might be time to let the relationship go.

5. THEY ENJOY HAVING THINGS GO THEIR WAY.

If you have a partner that is a bit selfish and has to have their way all the time, you may be with someone who has not grown up sufficiently enough to be in a relationship. A healthy relationship with the right person is one where there’s compromise. You should be able to feel like your voice and your opinions truly matter to them. If you don’t, you might have fallen for someone who’s all wrong for you because they don’t respect you enough to see you as an equal.

6. THEY DON’T TRY TO GET ALONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Your partner doesn’t have to be besties with your besties, but they should make a serious effort to get along with the people who are important to you. And they should want to introduce you to their family and friends as well. If your friends and family don’t have heart-eyes for them, they might be picking up on red flags that you’re too hard to see.
7. YOU’VE NEVER MET THEIR FRIENDS.

In all the time you’ve spent together, you’ve heard countless cheerful stories about your partner’s friends. If you’ve been dating for a while and still haven’t met their friends, that’s pretty suspicious. Your partner may not mean to hide you away, but if they make up flimsy excuses when you tell them you’d love to meet their friends, it might be a sign something’s not right.

8. YOUR PARTNER ISN’T THE TYPE THAT APOLOGIZES

It’s important to remember that all couples get into disputes. But how you choose to respond to each other at the moment can determine whether your relationship is right for you or not. If your partner does or says something that hurts you deeply and is unable to apologize, this is a sign that they are uncomfortable admitting any wrongdoing.

Saying “I’m sorry” is so simple and shows that you can take responsibility for your actions. ‘Without accountability, there can be no improvement.’ If you’re with someone who can’t say sorry after doing something hurtful, you might have fallen in love with someone who’s possibly immature and most likely not right for you long-term.

9. THEY THINK THE WORLD REVOLVES arou.nd THEM.

If it seems like your partner is more interested in how you fit in their world than they are with your individual needs, you might be dating the wrong person.

Even though you just went to his parent’s house the previous year, he gets upset when you suggest visiting your parents this year. Even though she knows you haven’t had a night out with the guys in over a month because work’s been so busy, she hurls a fit because you’re not spending time with her. If your partner’s words and actions scream, “ME-ME-ME,” you should find someone who appreciates your needs and not only theirs.

10. THEY DON’T SUPPORT YOUR GOALS

You may talk about your big dreams of running your own company one day and they laugh you off like they don’t believe you can do it. That’s outrageous! In the long run, you’ll be happiest and most successful with someone who has total faith in your abilities by your side. If your partner is always shooting down your goals, they might just be insecure about their future. But that’s no reason for them to bring you down. Whoever you date should believe in you and support your dreams and ambitions.

11. YOUR PARTNER MAKES ALL OF THE BIG RELATIONSHIP DECISIONS.

You only get together when it’s convenient for your boyfriend and only hang out with his family and friends. You’ve been to all of your girlfriend’s work functions and friends’ parties, but have stopped inviting her to any social gathering you attend – she’s made it crystal clear she’s not interested.

If your partner is calling all the shots and you’re just following their lead, desperate for a few crumbs, it might be time to reanalyze the relationship.

12. THEY THREATEN TO BREAK UP WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

This is emotionally manipulative behavior. You shouldn’t have to go through life flinching every time you say or do anything, worrying that your partner is going to drop you for good. You should feel secure in your relationship and comfortable enough to be yourself around your partner, not walking on eggshells constantly.

13. THEY ARE EXCESSIVELY JEALOUS

If your partner can’t bear the thought of you not being by their side, you need to rethink that relationship.

A partner who insists on being hyper-close and doing everything together – or doesn’t allow you to be by yourself and is constantly monitoring or questioning your whereabouts and intentions; is indicative of a toxic relationship.

14. YOU FEEL VERY INSECURE

When you’re in a healthy relationship, there’s a significant back-and-forth where you’re complimenting each other, bringing out the best in each other, and letting each other know how you both care about each other. There’s not a lot of this going on in a toxic relationship. So if you’re in a constant state of insecurity around your person, you are not in a healthy relationship. Period!

15. THEY NEVER COMPLIMENT YOU

Even shy or tolerant people can open up every once in a while to say nobody makes them laugh as you do, or that you look like a freaking supermodel in that dress. Your partner doesn’t need to suck up all over you every second of every day, but a compliment every once in a while is nice to hear and it’s pretty standard in a relationship.

16. THEY DON’T LISTEN TO YOU

If your partner is always waiting for their turn to speak, you might be dating the wrong person.

They always go off on digressions about their day at work but never seem interested in yours. They always suggest where they’d like to go, but never seem to care what you think. If your partner does a whole lot of speaking (but never listens), you might want to find someone not so self-centered to share your life with.

17. THEY DON’T BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOU

The best you could be is someone who is confident and is a lot of fun and doesn’t have trust issues. But if you become the opposite of that when you’re around your partner — you have low self-esteem, you don’t want to do fun things, you’re distrusting everything they say, you might need to quit the relationship.

18. YOUR PARTNER CONTROLS WHO YOU SEE AND WHAT YOU DO

This might be the biggest red flag of all. If you find that your partner is controlling your time with friends or family, your finances, clothing choices, or how much makeup you wear, this is something to take very seriously.

Have you already met people like this? What other signs might indicate that you’re with the wrong partner? I’d be happy to hear from you in the comments!