I wonder how such an act is so famous yet infamous! Why is it such a “weighty” issue for many, especially the youth? How can this addiction be —–
Well, I conjecture, you are itching to hear; “overcome”, “stopped” , or perhaps “defeated”
Well let’s take a ride!
Note that Masturbation as discussed in this article, is not the involuntary discharge of semen during sleep. This “discourse” focuses on the deliberate act by an individual to ejaculate for Sexual gratification, by physically manipulating their sexual organs.
So many times have I had “clients” come to me with the problem of Masturbation. The problem cuts across both sexes (girls and boys), irrespective of their ages. Almost all of them (the clients), in one way or the other, assert that, the habit in itself, gives them maximum pleasure and a great source of muscle relaxation. Wait a minute, before we delve into the reasons (pleasurable) they engage in Masturbation, let us consider why they remain perturbed in spite of this “ecstatic moment.”
Let’s examine the “kill joys (the guilt) of their joy (the pleasure from the act).”
So, why then would they want to stop “trading in this gratifying service” as they mentioned? For some, it is because of Religion: their religion frowns upon such “self-gratifying” act. For others, too, it is against their tradition or family custom. Still, others lament that it takes a rather adverse toll on their health and wellness in general, after the indulgence. A troubled “inner conscience” couldn’t escape the lenses of ‘the reasons why they would want to stop.’
Well, let’s talk about the reasons (pleasurable advantages) why they engage in such an act as I promised early on above. Most of them say it makes them sleep very well, hence, it is a form of antidote for insomnia or people who struggle to sleep. Others say it helps them to remain chaste ( a religious reason which ironically rather conflicts with its own self) since they would abstain from sex. Some, still, asserts that the act eliminates the risk of infection, pregnancy and so on. More claim it generally makes them happy even more than the satisfaction they derive after having sexual intimacy. These and many others are the reasons why they engage in the act.
Most importantly, for those of you who have never indulged in this addictive act, well, we never, ever want to. No amount of Counselling or Religious indoctrination or any form of Knowledge can “rescue an addict from this act.” WHY? Because:
Fighting Masturbation could be paralleled to a person who vows and attempts “never to have sexual tendencies.” It’s quite impossible, isn’t it?
Since it is impossible (that is, if you agree), then the question should rather be: *How can it be *curbed ( at least consciously reduced) and how can we “treat or mange” it ( the sexual tendencies, since they will “come” whether we like it or not) devoid of Masturbation?”
One must note that, the “Sexual tendencies associated with the desire to Masturbate, is quite different from the tendencies to have sex” That is why after sex, as a married couple even,
the person might still thirst to Masturbate. Hence, Marriage or engaging in casual sex CANNOT help one to completely stop Masturbation.
Let’s take a retrogression.
When does this desire start? It starts right from the day you begin noticing and giving “attentive eyes” to the opposite sex. It also starts from when you chanced on the nakedness of a female (be it your mother, sister, neighbor, friend, etc) with your mind fixed on the “show” but couldn’t get the opportunity to have sex with them. It starts when you started watching pornography yet you couldn’t get anyone to experiment what you were “learning through the movie” . What’s more? It starts when you eat junk (fatty) foods late in the night while drinking a lot of water. It starts when you are most often idle and refusing to change the channel from erotic scenes. In fact, Idleness and Masturbation are identical twins! It starts when you are inclined to be an introvert and mostly indoors. Stress and depression could also be a starter, which paradoxically, are the very situations people who indulgence in the act seek to reduce or eliminate.
Let’s make progress.
Remember: your first time of Masturbation will give you a feeling that sex may never or may not necessarily replace. It becomes more or less the “icing on the cake” for your Sexual pleasures. Hence, no amount of sex can quench the burning desires to Masturbate.
It becomes a sort of “sweet after meals” to climax a balanced diet.
Masturbation is an ancient act older than man and sex itself. When one gets entangled with it, he/she only cuts them off for a while, but like a tree, it sprouts again as soon as it finds a condusive atmosphere in your mind. Yes it all starts from the mind.
Talking about the mind, it sees clearer than the eyes. It sees and stores better than any other organ. Don’t even compare your 100 GiG RAM of Memory of the computer or the 100 Terabyte of hardware space to it. It has such “great memory and space” for both good things and garbage as well”. Funny, the “garbage” takes a long time there. That is why you have a very weight responsibility to really sieve what you decide to watch. What you watch (especially the “garbage”) can be there for centuries! The eyes are slaves to the memory (mind or brain); They serve the memory (mind or brain) with speed and accuracy!
That was just a little scientific lecture borne out of observation and common sense!
Just watch (be cautious of) what you watch. Be selective and sensible about it, if you are a young man who wants to have opposite paths with the “old age devil of addiction”- Masturbation.
I intuitively think that you are more interested in the “Hows” of dealing with this addiction and probably thinking I should be done with that already. I earnestly pray you have enjoyed the ride so far.
Now, let’s cut to the chase!
Without mincing words and to hit the nail right on the head, Masturbation can only be “managed not completely eliminated”. At least the ride you took up untill this point has “convinced” you of that.
The management of the addiction, however, can lead to drastic withdrawal from the act.
For clarity, Completely; means to live 20, 30, or more years on without having even a single relapse – you would agree, frankly that it is impossible! It’s just like swearing never to eat food that would trigger your ulcers or diabetes, but just realized you had no money or no option than to eat that and “survive”. Same could be said of Masturbation. The survival with that of Masturbation is the interim satisfaction your body so desires, at that “crucial moment”, which is tantamount to a Relapse. A Relapse is simply going back to, or repeating a habit you have vowed to stop. The thing about Relapse is that, it is a sign of great improvement in the fight against a particular habit, like smoking, drinking, etc. You must make sure your Relapse “attenuates” (gets smaller) day by day, till you feel no urge to do. This may continue to the extent of massive improvement, if not complete extinguishing.
Reasonably, the issue of “management” is more realistic than “complete extinguishing” in the fight against Masturbation. You ought to convince and constantly remind yourself of the kind of “regrets” you experience and the psychological breakdowns you encounter, anytime you give in to this act and eschew it. Remember to give yourself a reward (gift yourself a dress, nice food, watch, a treat etc) anytime you are able to reduce the activity daily. For instance if you Masturbate, let’s say, there times a day, and you are able to beat it to two or one, kindly praise yourself and with a reward. Eat your best food and spend on yourself. That way, you will forge ahead hoping for more rewards. Have a strong dwelling (deep thought) on your religious interpretation of the whole thing and make an effort to stop. You may decide to talk to a professional or a trusted friend – All these are “management tools”; they can’t quench it.
For a fact, you have to live! For a character like Jimmy in the play “Look Back in Anger” by John Osborne, he was completely misunderstood by all around him just because he lived. Living is not the opposite of death, but fully being who you are without malice or “sheer regrets”. Unlike Alison and Cliff, they were just following the routine of being what society accepted and that was tantamount to death, as claimed by Jimmy.
The buttom line is that, during a relapse, don’t judge yourself to death, just live. You might feel like a failure at first, but continue to live, “while reducing that aspect of life (the addiction) of your living gradually”
Being sullen and overly anxious would not help the situation, but rather break you. You must remain resolute to manage the situation even if there are relapses.
This is not a bulleted- points-form-of-a conventional-note you just read. It requires great “discernment and critical thinking” to understand the “discourse” so as to approach the “enemy (the addiction)” you are fighting, with tact and discreetness not with mere reasoning.
~Mr. Hko (Writer and Coach) ~
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