No one intentionally enters into a bad relationship, and every couple hits a rough patch from time to time. But there’s a difference between coping with some temporary glitches and being stuck in a relationship that’s turned toxic. Yet some people linger long after the warning signs arise.
People stay in toxic relationships for many reasons. “We get comfortable with the status quo (situation) and just continue on the same path because change is hard. We engage in denial and go on because it’s easier.”
That denial can make it pretty difficult to figure out that you ought to cut ties ASAP. While you likely have an inkling that something is amiss, you might not be sure if you’ve ended up in a toxic relationship that’s beyond saving. Not sure how to sort it out?
Start by asking yourself these 9 questions. These questions will help you realize whether or not you are in a toxic relationship so you make a thoughtful decision.
1. ARE YOU OFTEN SCREAMING AND FIGHTING?
There’s no such thing as a couple who always agrees on everything, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster. If your conflicts are incredibly intense and lead to drastic words or actions or even physical assault, then there is cause for concern. Experiencing ‘zero to sixty,’ or being fine one day and then in crisis the next day, is also a sign that your relationship is toxic. And of course, any physical violence is a clear signal to get out now!
2.ARE YOU CONSTANTLY KEEPING SCORE?
Relationships shouldn’t feel like a game of basketball where each person is keeping track of how many times they’ve done something good or even something bad.
“We all fall victim to this at times, but a relationship that is consumed by keeping score is toxic”. “Whether you and your partner constantly highlight one another’s faults or you find yourself reciting your resume of good deeds, it’s a sign that you’ve turned against each other.” (Are you the victim of verbal abuse without even realizing it?)
3.ARE YOU AFRAID TO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THE IMPORTANT STUFF?
We’re not talking about whose turn it is to take out the garbage. If you’re hesitant to tell your partner about what’s really weighing on your mind—which might include things they’re doing (or not doing) in the relationship—watch out.
“Let’s face it, it’s not always easy to confront someone you care so much about” . “But when couples opt for keeping it comfortable instead of keeping it real, I hear a death knell ringing” for the relationship.
4.DOES YOUR PARTNER ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES?
You might not have realized it in the beginning, but over time a narcissist’s (someone who only sees themselves as important) true personality traits will be revealed. “When you’re with a narcissist, there will only be one person who matters, and it won’t be you,” says therapist and couples counselor Evie Shafner. (These are the six issues that kill a relationship every time.)
A narcissist will try to manipulate or guilt you into meeting their needs while ignoring yours. They mostly talk about themselves and aren’t really responsive to what’s going on with you. And the biggest issue is that they have no empathy.
5.DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT?
If you’re working overtime to please your partner yet getting nowhere, you probably never will. Making someone feel like they can’t do anything right can be a serious sign of psychological abuse. “Your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, a soft place to land. If they’re not, buyer beware—and love yourself enough to leave.”
6.ARE THEY SELFISH IN BED?
Although sex is only one part of your relationship, it’s usually a pretty important one. And a partner who treats you poorly in the bedroom is unlikely to be kind in other areas of the relationship. Guilt-tripping a partner into having sex when they don’t want to or ignoring a partner’s need for pleasure might be signs that you should end things.
7. ARE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER OVERWHELMED WITH JEALOUSY?
This can show up as constantly having to account for your whereabouts and who you are with. “Everything you do must not just include them, but revolve around them. You might find it easier to either lie—and, when your lies are uncovered, everything blows up anyway—or you choose to stop having a life, friends, and interests of your own because the price is too high.” In either case, it’s hardly a sign of a healthy relationship.
8.DOES YOUR PARTNER DISRESPECT YOUR FAMILY?
Of course, there may be times your partner might have a couple of squabbles with your family based on genuine concerns or justified points, but if they grossly disrespect your family for no apparent reason, then it’s time you look into things well. Any insult directed to your family by your spouse is directly directed to you.
9.DON’T IGNORE CERTAIN COMPATIBILITIES
Language of a tribe, spiritual inclinations and visions and goals of our spouses should be somewhat considered if we want a healthy relationship. Yes, you should marry a person who shares a spiritual faith with you and you could understand their Language and many other compatibilities. If you are opposites in some of these crucial element of livelihood, then you should know that the relationship is or could turn toxic in the long run.
The above are some indications that you are in a toxic relationship. However, each and every one knows what they want and you should not be surprised some couples will still continue in such relationships. The button line is to know when to end things in such toxic relationships.
Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)
The Life - Mr. Hko 