“I will be fine with my child, that is all I want; I don’t care about whether you leave or stay!”
The above statement is quite common among women who have a child or two with a man they are or not married to. It is a pathetic mistake for a woman to give birth out of wedlock or even in marriage and decides to quit in order to cater for the child singlehandedly. Having said that, some women may have genuine concerns as to the need to call for a separation in a relationship or marriage. Some of the reasons may be Physical Abuse, Infidelity (in marriage), irresponsible partners, poverty, cheating and so many others. Yes such reasons may be genuine and women might want to consider separation but this comes with a very great risk not just for them but for the child or children.
The situation becomes even worst when they are not married to the man and they get pregnant for him and decides to leave him just because of reasons that, all you want is the child as stated in the open paragraph of this presentation.
It is one of the biggest mistakes you would ever do. Never separate from a relationship for inconsequential reasons and think you would be fine with the child being the product of that relationship. Children can never give you that lifetime satisfaction They have their own place in your life, unless you decide to stay single perpetually. Besides, you are bound to take care of them forever and not vice versa – that is how it is supposed to be. That is why it is extremely important not to have a child with a man you don’t really love or don’t intend to have a family with. The disadvantages associated with such break ups after child birth always circumvents that of the benefits you might have reasoned to enjoy.
Let’s take a look of some of the dangers or risks associated with being a single mother.
1. Your Preferences in choosing a partner suffer as a woman
At first glance of this point you might have asked yourself, “How?”. Yes your value as a woman deppreciates.” One of the ways is that you tend to settle for “any man”, which might not be your original preference in life, just because of the child. You might only ressonate with a man who would “accept” the child. So, the bottom line is that now you factor the interest of the child in choosing the life partner and let your personal values or interests suffer.
2. Your Character as a woman becomes questionable
The fact that you are alone with a child might raise questions in potential partners’ minds. If you were a woman of substance an of good character, why would a man leave you? That is what most men might reason. Perhaps the breakup might not necessarily be your fault but your character still becomes questionable. So men who approach you already have a formed ideology about your persona. That is why you need to select carefully when it comes to a life partner, then marry, before you give birth.
3. Most men don’t find single moms attractive
The mere thought of another man impregnating you and having a child with you, puts a lot of men off. You might only be “used” by a man if care is not taken without you being taken seriously. Men, no matter the age, want a women who is single and without any external attachments.
4. Possible Breach of Privacy in Subsequent Relationship or Marriage.
The child is part of you and you cannot do a thing with your newly found man or husband without considering the child. Your partner sees the child as a big deal because they are not his. You might take it as normal but your partner might want to enjoy a peaceful life with his wife alone.
5. Possible Insecurity and Distrust
A man is always insecure of a single mom, when it comes to the father of the child. It is always said that children create a bond between two people and to some extent, it is true. The father of the child has every right to call the woman and demand the whereabout of the child or even visit. This may be very uncomfortable for some men.
6. The Children Suffer from the effects of broken homes
Children always have a deficiency of the moral, physical, emotional and spiritual provisions that would have been provided by both parents. Since the father is gone, the child suffers a deficiency. If they are faced with challenges of life, they tend to be fraustated and depressed. We can’t talk about the effects of broken homes on Children without taking about the ill treatments some of them receive from step parents.
7. Difficulties in child’s upbringing
Financial difficulties are common with single mothers. Of course fathers play a very significant role in the upbringing of a child, by providing food, cloth and shelter for the child. In his absence, the woman is sure to have a very tough life in this regard.
8. Loss of interest in Marriage
The child or children of a single mom becomes like a lifetime “trophy” for them. They tend to be content with the children and may not be interested in settling down. They may channel all energies in catering for the children and marriage is relegated to the background.
It is very important for women to understand that, there is absolutely no point in becoming pregnant for a man you are not sure of marrying. It is a dangerous decision for both the woman and the child. Spare an innocent child of all the troubles and hardship of life by making them “fatherless”. Child birth should only be considered after settling on, and marrying our preferred life partners. I hope good health reaches you and make great choices now!
The Life - Mr. Hko 