At some point in our lives, we battle with some habits (some are picked from environment and others are somewhat inherent (inherited).
Some habits that we battle with have a seriously adverse psychological toll on our general well being and sometimes becomes clinical or mental. Habits once formed, becomes extremely difficult or sometimes impossible (you live with it) to break free from them, so it is very important how we nurture certain behaviors or interests we have started developing or entertaining. Of course, we have good habits or character traits such as eating well, exercising, Patience, humility, politeness, punctuality, mildness, tolerance and many others which are very fine and worth emulation.
However, some habits or character traits are toxic and may be detrimental to our personal development (health) and may affect our relationship with others (family, friends, marriage partners)
Some habits or character traits which are toxic and may be precarious are, Anger, impatience, Masturbation, intolerance, lack of self control, theft, and many others we could even lose count of.
We can all attest to the fact that, non of the bad habits brings happiness. They rather increase our predicaments an leave us unhappy and lonely.
What then can we do to break free from such habit, so that we live a fruitful life and to have a better relationship with our family, friends and loved ones…?
The following are practical ways to break free from any sort of undesirable habit or character traits.
- Clearly Define Who You Are or Wants to Be.
The first thing to do in the quest to fight any wrongful desire or habit you might have developed is to clearly make a definite statement about who you are or wants to be. What it means is that, you have to set strong principles and guidelines for yourself as a human being. You should have a concrete set of personal goals and try to stay by them with integrity. You may write exactly what habits you want to eschew an those you want to maintain in your diary, or paste them somewhere you see each morning. Read them always and creat a mental picture of what you have written and keep reminding your conscience of it. That is integrity. Let Integrity be all you are about, and strictly stay by it.
When a person has integrity and a set of principles well defined, he or she will never do anything to compromise his or her stance on whatever he dislikes including engaging in and developing bad or toxic habits. - Always Anticipate
This is like always being on the watch, always Awake, and being cautious Beforehand to the start of each day. After Spelling out your principles in life and sworn to live with integrity, you must always be alert (Prior Anticipation) This is a mental preparation prior to any incident that might induce you to exhibit wrongful habits. For example you started watching a movie and you are fighting the habit of watching pornography and masturbation. Immediately a romantic scene pops up you have already decided to take it off(Anticipated), so as soon as it is about popping up, you change the channel. A mind which is not prepared beforehand will be difficult to resist such temptations, and the habit will continue and harm you. You can’t break free if you don’t anticipate possible occurrence and build up mechanisms to fight that particular habit.
So ask yourself: Will where I am going to, what I’m about to watch, the person I’m going to hang out with, the food I’m going to eat, the dress I’m going to wear, etc, trigger a bad habit of mine and subsequently making me sin or engage in bad or toxic habits or behaviors? The answers you give will make you Anticipate prior to any occurance that might lead to a wrongful habit. - Win from Relapses
Relapse basically means repeating (consciously or unconsciously) something you have vowed not to do again. Sometimes we may swear Heaven and Earth not to, for instance, be extremely angry when our partner provokes us, or not to masturbate the whole week. Sooner than later, we would find ourselves doing the same thing you vowed 30 minutes ago not to do. That is called a Relapse. It is worthy to note that, a Relapses of any sort of habit is normal. Don’t severely judge yourself as a loser. It is part of the process of breaking free from that dangerous habit. It does not take a split seconds to stop a carefully developed habit so give your self time and don’t beat yourself to death even if you Relapse. Know that it’s part of the process. So never give up if you disappointed yourself, as it were. In case of a Relapse, Just keep going improving.
- Develop “Time Consuming” Activities
Most often than not, some of the bad habits pops up when we are idle. I guess many of them have come to your mind. Yes, never be idle. Involve in an exercise, eat a balanced diet, read a lot, write a lot, and become busy with things that are profitable. - Reward Yourself
This is a very excellent way of compensating yourself of being able to stay let say a whole week without being excessively angry or provoked, without watching porn, without masturbating, without stealing, etc. Give yourself a reward!!! Buy yourself something. It may be a drink, food , a dress, etc. and give them to yourself as a form of reward for your endurance of not giving in to any bad or toxic habit for a period of time. - Confine in Someone
It may be an Elderly person, a Counselor, or a Mental Health Expert, or a Clinical and Behavioral Psychologist.
Elders may have battled with whatever you are going through currently before and might tell you what helped them to fight that bad habit. Be selective and choose a trustworthy elderly fellow whom you could trust and confine in. Mental health experts and Psychologists may also be of immense help. They could help you to come off this behavior and actually set you free. - The God Factor
Yes, there may be a spiritual dimension to every happening and relying on God and abiding by the principles found in the Bible or your preferred spiritual book can be of a great source of help, coupled with sincere petition (prayers) to the supreme being.
You cannot win only with this without making a conscious effort to undergo all the steps ( 1 – 6) listed above. Prayer gives us confidence that we will win, “then we put our confidence to action”
In conclusion, we should understand that it is very very difficult to break free from a habit once formed, and sometimes it is sad that we live with them fighting them forever. So it is extremely prudent to be selective of the kind of friends we keep, desires we nurture and everything that we do that could make us develop wrongful or toxic habits. Nevertheless, with a strong mind, determination and a conscious effort, you can win. Admit that these habits are toxic to you and are actually harming you. Then strive hard to win. Best regards and success to everyone fighting a battle that has become a thorn in the flesh
Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)
The Life - Mr. Hko 