IS IT LOVE OR YOUR PARTNER IS USING YOU?

IS IT LOVE OR YOUR PARTNER IS USING YOU?
Mr. Hko (Grammarian, Counselor)

Love is a very pleasant feeling and it means life, if we experience it genuinely without hidden interests from each partner.
As married couples or courting couples, especially with the latter, it is very important we be on the lookout for the following indicators of a partner who is only shrowded in using you, which you might consider as love or even overlook but must be very careful with because they might not be genuinely in love with you and are just using you. The following are the signs that your partner does not actually love you, but is using you for personal gratification.

1. Do you continually seek your partners approval?
   Before you met each other, you might both have several experiences in the past or even things you both love to do. If a person is always afraid to do what they love and is constantly looking out for things to do to seek his/her partners approval, then it is likely your partner may not be genuine. Partners who use people often need to be in control. He / she operates in an aloof position.
2. Do you neglect activities your partner disapprove of but jumps into endeavors he/she endorses?
   When she / he likes something, we quickly support them but we tend to be afraid to venture into our own dreams and desires. If you are constantly seeking the endorsement of your partner before you do things you genuinely love or things of great gains to you, but quickly approves of theirs without questioning, then you should know they might just be using you.
3. Does your partner’s actions contradicts their words?
   Your partner told you how they were fond of cats for instance, and even swore to get one for the home and that they could even sleep with it. Few weeks later you were able to rescue a cat on your way home and she yells at you to return that “thing”(cat) to wherever you picked it from an that they don’t want to even see it. That partner is not genuine and you should beware!
4. Do you find yourself trying too hard
   Imagine you and your partner were supposed to meet a friend or a relative of theirs and you become so worried of even the dress you wear because you know your partner might disapprove or perhaps be angry at the slightest mistake you do that causes their own kind of disapproval or dissatisfaction.
5. Did your partner want to know everything about you but seems indifferent now?
   Initially she was eager to know everything about you and perhaps your family. As time went on, she became indifferent and didn’t really care about what goes out or comes, in your personal life and family. She suddenly become disinterested. It is a sign to tell you that your partner may not be genuine and is using you. Watch out!
6. Are you in constant fear or obliged to always please their wish at their Beck and call?
   It is true as partners you would want to willingly and genuinely do things to make your partner happy, but when you find yourself internally afraid of disappointing her and always doing things to please them, then your partner may not be genuine or they might be using you. You should be able to do what you love as well and your partner should not make you emotionally unstable about her needs. “You should be free to make your own mistakes” with your partner being fully supportive. They should be ready to understand that sometimes it’s not all about them but you, and that you need to be happy too by doing things your own way.

Well, just so you know, if your answer to the questions proves that your partner falters in any of them, then it’s high time you realized that they may come off as partners who don’t actually love you but are just using or controlling you for their own gains.